Sunday, May 1, 2011

Taking on the wilderness

This is the story of how four Southern girls conquered Yellowknife’s rugged wilderness. It was a hung over Sunday. The previous night, one girl had been out watching men wearing tights hug each other in a ring – some people call it UFC – while the other three, had been at a concert until the early hours of the morning. To overcome the headaches, heavy eyes and overwhelming desire to go back to bed, the ladies started their adventure with Tim Horton’s coffee and an unnecessarily long drive to what appeared to be an undiscovered village in the middle of woods. After turning around, assuming they had uncovered the training grounds for Northern serial killers, the group found a more appropriate location to set up camp for an afternoon wiener roast. While making the trek from the highway up a ridge to their desired spot, the ladies sunk at least two inches into mud the consistency of dog poo. One girl, we’ll call her Nicole, damn near slipped. But thankfully her intense flailing abilities – which she mastered after many falls over the winter months – kept her on her feet and out of the mud. Treading carefully after the near miss, the women collected branches for a fire.
Once a sufficient pile had formed, Robyn – the momma bear of the group – went to town building a teepee out of sticks. To ignite the wood, she lit six months worth of receipts, which she brought with her in a grocery bag, and tucked them in the centre of the sticks. Robyn swears she was in Girl Guides, but her fire making abilities left a lot to be desired. Although there were flames, they were short lived because only the paper would catch. Her solution: throw some more receipts on. The result: blackened pieces of paper floating everywhere. At some point, after a ton of poking and prodding, she learned that it’s more about placement and less about paper and we actually ended up with a fire big enough to roast smokies.
To celebrate, there were high fives and happy dances to Fleetwood Mac. All in all, for a hung over spring Sunday, it was a great success.

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